The word “Craigslist” elicits a lot of mixed opinions, and perhaps rightfully so. I think we’ve all seen Lifetime’s cinematic masterpiece The Craigslist Killer by now. (and if you haven’t, do yourself a favor and watch it immediately). But murder and prostitution aside, Craiglist is truly an amazing invention, and one that I’ve come to use more and more over the years. My most recent (ab)use of Craigslist involves posting items in “Free Stuff” that I would otherwise have to pay a junk hauler to take away. After moving into our new house in July, I have become obsessed with getting rid of as much crap (deemed so by me) as possible.

It’s been a gradual metamorphosis, but one that has picked up considerable momentum over the last couple of years. I used to be more sentimental, holding on to clothing, knick knacks, and other random objects move after move, year after year.  It’s easy to justify keeping anything, but once I started throwing stuff out and giving it away, I couldn’t stop. I literally walk around my house and closet thinking about what I can get rid of.  Wait, that sounds kind of twisted, but I think my discretion is on point (on fleek). Plus I feel that if I get rid of loads of mediocre (or actual) crap, I am justified in purchasing 1 or 2 nice items to replace it (do you see the connection? Just go with me on this). I am by no means a disciple of Marie Kondo (though it’s worth a read), but more a pseudo-minimalist in order to better justify future shopping sprees.

That said, there are some items that are not even a close call. They are basically actual garbage that must be discarded of immediately. Like this desk.

This picture is FAR more flattering than in reality. And is it really all that flattering?

This desk was a monstrosity in my garage. As you can see, it is missing one of its two drawers, to say nothing of the remaining condition (the word “deteriorating” comes to mind), but I clearly couldn’t just put it in my trash bin (I wish). So, Craigslist to the rescue.

If you’ve ever posted anything on Craigslist – particularly the Free section –  you might be familiar with the overwhelming influx of emails and text messages that you receive literally within minutes. People will take ANYTHING for free, but it’s vital to take down the ad immediately after securing a taker, or your phone may never recover.

Now, while we are clearly operating on the honor system, I try to be as fair as possible and give the item to the first contact I receive. Here, it was a woman I would later (unnecessarily) find out was named “Reese.” Reese called me and asked if she could have the desk.  I told her it was all hers, and she thanked me for my kind blessing. (lol, okay, win-win!)

The trouble with Reese started almost immediately. First, she told me she’d come by later that afternoon. Great. ASAP is what I prefer. Then it was the next morning. Umm, okay, I guess. Then it was going to be that afternoon. Look, Reese, I have a lot of other interested parties… but whatever. SOMEONE just needs to remove this from my garage (now driveway). Then I began receiving an influx of text messages. Suffice it to say this was way more interaction than I have ever had (or desired) during a Craigslist transaction.

Weird, but not yet psychotic. (or is it?)

She continued providing me updates on her precise coordinates as she progressed toward the desk. I continued to not respond since I planned on no future interaction , and the desk was freely available for taking outside.  Unfortunately, I realized I forgot something at home and pulled up to my house at the exact moment Reese was rolling in. Oh, great. She jumps out of the car along with her “little girl,” a sleazy looking older teenager in a crop top and platforms with a lip piercing.  I’m in a rush, so I direct her to the desk and tell her to take it.  She comes over to my car and starts trying to converse. “How many kids do you have?” “A lot,” I respond. She starts trying to peer into the windows of my car. I tell her we’re in a rush (we are), and we’ve got to go. Just take the desk. They begin the process of taking the desk and tying it (illegally, for sure) to the roof of their car. Whatever. This became WAY too complicated somewhere along the way. Finally, blessedly, they finish and take off with the desk.

I figured that would be it for Reese and me, but I figured wrong. A few hours later, I received another text from Reese:

No, I didn’t respond. And – finally – neither did she.

//the end.